LilitheRose's Xanga

Got my Halloween costume

Wed, 24 Oct 2012 00:17:23 GMT

I AM SETO KAIBA

So this costume wasn't supposed to make it until after Halloween but it did come and I'm just so happy.

For Friday

Wed, 03 Oct 2012 15:37:37 GMT

I need to find out the Coraville bus schedule to see when the earliest time I can get to the mall. I want to get an application from Scheels and hopefully they'll hire me. I have experience working with apparel so that should be a plus for them, and that with my other job experiences will hopefully get me on the higher end of their $8.00-$14.00 pay rate. (right now it's the only job I've found that comes close to what I'm making now.) I might also see about working at the Sheraton but I think it's a minimum wage thing. I'll need to double check that. But it won't hurt to apply anyway. If I get hired at either of those places, I'll put in notice at Burge. I love working there, but it's a student job so I can't very well plan on keeping that around.

I need to start looking at apartments and making friends who need apartments, cuz I'll need a place to live in December. Perhaps I should make a flyer or something? Alex and John are fine with me staying with them but it's such a small space. I really don't want to go back home. There's nothing for me there, and I know if I go back, I'll be stuck there. It's not a good place to get stuck. If I start making some headway, I'm hoping to let my mom know these plans over Thanksgiving. But maybe I'll already be working somewhere during that time and I'll end up not going home for the holiday.

I really have to start working on this online class or else I won't graduate and then what's the fucking point of working so hard on everything else. I'll also need to read a novella that I should have been finished with already. It's only on library reserve for a four hour time slot so fingers crossed that I'm motivated. Maybe I'll see about getting all my reading for the next week on Friday. (Or at least over the weekend.)

And maybe I'll finally go to No Shame again? I've been wanting to go but something else always pops up. Less probable is me writing a piece, but you never know.

Things Today

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 21:04:54 GMT

Tired beyond all reason
I think I have a uti (which isn't actually that surprising since there's an increased risk associated with "a short interval of frequent sexual activity.")
My birth control is supposed to prevent my period from happening until next week and I got it today, I'm legitimately worried about this
I keep having mood swings.

So basically I skipped both classes today and lounged around. I took a shower to see if that would help anything and I do feel a tiny bit better, but ugh. (Look at my impeccable use of sentence structure right there.) Even though I am having some mood swings, I'm not as low as I was last night. No idea what that was all about.

I got paid today and pretty much immediately bought my Seto Kaiba costume for Halloween. It should get here in time, but I'm hoping to use it for more than just Halloween anyway.

Need to buy black shoes possibly. I mean I suppose I can wear my high tops, but Kaiba wears black boots so he's a little more formal. Okay, I'm basically a not-Kaiba person in everything that I do.

But I like his coat and I can style my hair and make stoic faces.

Hi, I'm ridiculously happy for no reason and now I want to buy everything and logically I know I shouldn't but I almost don't care oops.

Also, my writing style is back and I feel better about that.

Projects and the thing I wasn't going to talk about originally

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 03:14:34 GMT

I need to try and get in a more positive way of thinking before I go to bed so writing this will (hopefully) make me feel better.

I am enjoying my classes. I have some midterms coming up. I'm okay with them. I don't really care for essays, though; I find it difficult to add creativity and I despise citing sources. I have ideas for my Cold War Comedies film response, and that should be more fun than the average essay. The movies were entertaining, so that should add some fuel to my writing fire. The Soviet Union essay will probably be a little more dry in nature, but I have a rough idea of the grading style and should be able to produce accordingly. (Not like last semester in Society and Revolution in Cuba where I worked my ass off creating what I know would have been at least a B if not a B+ in any other class and every thing barely got Cs.) I have my first Voice performance in a week. I'm a little nervous as I've not memorized my piece completely. I do have to arrange a meeting with the accompanist to go over the song and pay her a $75 fee for the semester. (Oh, I was supposed to get into a positive way of thinking. oops.)

I've got 16,500 words written of a book I've been working on. This is the most headway I've ever gotten on one of my novel ideas. I have to keep remembering that first drafts always suck and to not get discouraged. (I often forget because all of my school essays are first drafts and they get good grades.) I am, actually, enthusiastic about this project. It's an idea that's been floating around and developing in my brain since I was about 10. While I do find realistic fiction more my forte, this fantasy novel does seem to be coming along quite nicely. So far the working title is "The Clans."

Another thing is a project I've been working on with a close friend. I've been calling it "The Project." She has been calling it "Molly's Project." I came up with the base concept and the characters, and she's my little plot machine, giving a real life to my characters. I think the two of us think the other is the more important creator in this. It's meant to be a sitcom. Seems fitting, doesn't it? The Psychology major creates the characters, and the Film/English major writes the script.

Also, I've been having sex. Not with the guy I like. He has a girlfriend. (But I'm quite confident in his physical attraction to me.) But I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this other guy, and it may just be those silly little hormones that occur. I'm sure I'd be able to sort that all out if we weren't having sex. But then where's the point in that? One thing I like about just a purely sexual relationship as opposed to a romantic one, is that I can be assured that the primary feelings are reciprocated. (Oh you want to have sex with me? I want to have sex with you, too. Let's fuck.) Romantically, I am never completely sure who likes the other more or equally. Most of the time I think I'm the one with the majority of the emotions. Does he think about me like I think about him? And as often? Does he find me annoying? Does he think I'm stupid? Does he like someone else better?

Also, why is my writing style so weird today? (Well, not weird. Just a bit different from my normal tone, rife with sentence fragments and one line paragraphs starting with conjunctions.) Is my writing style different? I feel that it sounds like I wrote it. The subtle nuances of the writing style are, often, just as useful as a fingerprint in identifying someone.

I actually feel better. Mission accomplished. I should do this more often.

Plans

Thu, 16 Aug 2012 01:00:41 GMT

Subtitle: Why do I have such flaky friends? Jesus Christ in space!

So tonight I was supposed to go over to an apartment where a couple of my friends live just to hang out. I made these plans yesterday afternoon. I get a text from one of them at seven asking if I was still coming over. When I say yes I'm told that the other friend just left to eat dinner with another friend. Then around eight I say that I'm coming over. "Oh. Well you shouldn't cause chris is coming over for smoking hookah..." Which launches me into asking why the plans were changed and a whole conversation leading to me bitching about how if you have other plans to let me know. And if you never had any intention of keeping the plans with me, don't make plans, it's your fucking apartment, you have a right to say, "Hey, no don't come over that night." Only I was less angry about it.

This is only a couple days after I got a call from a friend saying that he and a couple other friends were at "Molly's Cupcakes." Which everybody knew I wanted to go to because my name is Molly. I was told I should come down there, and I figured since I was on my way out anyway, I'd join them. And they left before I even got there. On my birthday. So I ended up sitting by the Old Capitol building alone eating a really crumbly cupcake and trying not to cry in public.

I want to know why it's become such a pattern to fucking ditch me at the last minute. I wish Alston were here already because she let's me know if we can't hang out and she doesn't just up and decide at the last minute that she can't and she's not afraid of kicking me out when she needs me to leave. Also, I need time to hang with a girl who isn't as dramatic as Richelle or Stephanie.

I'd totally bitch about this on tumblr but the apartment friends follow me there and I already bitched at one enough and I wanted to be a little extra dramatic in my writing.

Summer Time (and the livin is easy?)

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 06:07:53 GMT

I get back to IC in three days. My birthday is in four. I'm extremely excited. I still don't know what's going to happen to all my stuff after I move in with Alex and John. (Seriously that place is fucking tiny, and I have big stuff.)

I haven't done much over the summer. I tried to get a handle on not eating so much crap, and trying to be more active. (for health of body and mind) But somehow I just end up sitting in front of this computer screen. Which is quite lovely most of the time, but not conducive to an active lifestyle. I also tried to get a better sleep pattern because I have work or class at about 8am every day. But hey look at me, I've been up until 3am almost every night. I got an okay amount of reading done. Off the top of my head I can name five books I've read. That's nowhere near enough.

I've gone out of town a couple times. One was a trip up to the Mall of America, and another to the Grout Museum District in Waterloo. Both were spontaneous trips which is interesting since the planned trips never happened. I should just not plan things, I guess. Although one of the planned trips was with a friend who is notoriously flaky, so I wasn't really expecting her to follow through, and I guess the other friend did something else this summer which is fine.

I started watching Sailor Moon but left off somewhere around episode thirty-something.

Oh and also House ended back in May and I still cry sometimes about it even though I'd been saying since back in season 5 that it needed to end soon.

Idk shit about the future and stuff. I hate titles

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 02:04:24 GMT

A week ago I got in the inevitable "fight with my mom during vacation." Now, my mother is one of my favorite people on the planet and I love her dearly. But living with her has been tense for a couple years and I really need to get out. I have a couple friends who've said that I was welcome to stay in their apartment after the semester is over, which is great, but the apartment is tiny and I'd have nowhere to put my personal belongings. I don't think getting a job would be too much of a hassle, I'm pretty much willing to work anything at this point, so that I can consistently pay rent. I might have a couple other friends with whom I could work out something, at least as a place to put my stuff until I get a more permanent place of residence.

I just don't want to deal with this shit. But I just can't come back to this house, no matter how much I love my parents.

Adventureland

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 03:25:19 GMT

So one of my friends invited me to go to Adventureland at some point. Her family is going for a sister-in-law's birthday and she wants me to keep her company in her car. I do want to go, but I don't want to get too excited about it. This friend is kind of flaky so I'm not entirely sure this trip will happen.

And then there's the money to consider. The tickets are about $40 and I'd need money for food as well and I want to have money in my account when I get back to school. Thankfully my books aren't looking to be as costly. (Two classes don't have texts and one has one for less than $20)

Kidney

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 02:52:44 GMT

So for the past few days I've had a coming and going of a sharp pain in my lower left back. I don't know for sure, but it's possible it's a kidney stone. (I have also had some pain in my abdomen and my urethra) I just hope it doesn't become too serious because I do not want to end up in the hospital. I'm supposed to see a doctor just because of the pain, but unless it gets to a worse point, I don't want to go and have the doctor tell me to do what I'm already doing. Basically to help with a kidney stone is just to stay super hydrated, take pain medication when needed, and wait. Which, considering I was having insane cravings for water before everybody was telling me to do so, my body knows what to do.

I'm just afraid of the pain getting worse or having to go to a hospital when I can't pay for it. Since my mind is fucked up I keep obsessing over the idea that I'm going to die or have my kidney removed. Both of those scenarios are completely unlikely and I'm well aware of it when they cross my mind but I just can't stop my thoughts.

Ugh I just want to not have issues. Can I just be healthy and happy with an endless cash flow?

Okay now I'm just whining.

Shut up and smile

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 07:40:19 GMT

So I was drinking a little bit (a lot I guess) tonight and everything looks like it's spelled wrong. I don't know how I'm allowed alcohol but I'm more drunk than I've ever been. which is weird because I know I've had more to drink before. Maybe. I had like three or four Colorado Bulldogs. I usually hold my liquor a lot better. Or maybe I'm just really tired. Or both. Okay I'm really drunk my tv looks weird.

The title is in reference to a song. I kind of like the song even though it's a little stupid, but I think it has a nice message.